Childhood trauma is no joke. It affects everyone differently. Childhood trauma shapes us into who we are today. Some allow their experiences to destroy themselves. Others arise above their trauma. I am not happy to admit that at one point I thought that life was not worth it and started to slowly kill myself by taking diet pills. I had severe health issues affecting my heart when I was in High School. I also started to fail classes. I went from straight A honor roll to straight Fs. It wasn’t until I was a Senior in high school that I realized that I was more than my experiences.

I knew that my emotional abuse was nothing more than to make my abuser feel better about themselves as I was a successful athlete, both in school and out, and very smart, and my abuser was anything but. I knew that my physical abuse was nothing more than to make my abuser feel better about themselves since they could not have a loving relationship with family or a significant other.

I got myself out of my situation by the time I was out of high school. I went to summer school and passed all my classes that I initially failed. I graduated HS with a diploma and enrolled into college and applied to jobs. I moved out as soon as I could at 18.

I realized that I could not allow the actions of others to define who and what I was. I knew that I could not wither away in the dark and allow my abuser to win. I joined to Marine Corps to have stability. I paid all my bills. I discovered what life should be like. I lived for ME. I played soccer to my heart’s content. I met a wonderful man that I eventually married. I did everything that I was told growing up I could not do. I threw out all the emotional abuse and soaked in the positive.

Doing what I did is not easy for everyone. It sure wasn’t for me. I knew growing up that what my abuser was doing was wrong. I just never spoke up because I knew that I didn’t have it as bad as others. I have seen what worse can be and it was not something I wanted to me or my siblings.

Anyone could do what I did. I didn’t need anyone but myself. I had to believe that I was better than what I was told. I had to acknowledge that I did nothing to deserve the treatment. I had to help myself because the hard truth is that NO ONE can do it for you. You want to have a better situation? Find a job, save money, sacrifice unnecessary items for what is needed, go to college or trade school to find a better job. You can leave your situation. Life is so much better when you have addressed the trauma than bottling it up. There are so many programs and organizations out there that can help.

I never told a single sole what was happening at the time. Not until I met my now husband. I came to terms with my past and swore that I would never become like them. I have lived by those vows since I was 17 and I plan to keep to those vows until I die.